I keep thinking about their little hands pressing the dirt so gently as we planted tulip bulbs this fall. He came back a week later and said, “why the flowers not grow yet?” I smiled, “Oh sweetie, these won’t grow until spring when the sun shines warmer and the rain waters them.” He looked kind of perplexed like he didn’t particularly like the answer but shrugged and walked away. A few days later and then a few weeks later, he asked again. I gave the same answer. He said “ok” but he looked disappointed. It’s a long long wait for a little boy.

I know the feeling. I want instant results. I also always want to be “doing” and “fixing” and “feeling important” in the work. The thing I’ve been marveling about all summer and fall is that when it comes to growing things, there is really so very little that I do. I looked all summer at a sunflower plant that grew next to my house. It grew more than 10 feet tall and had a stalk more than 2 inches think. In one summer. In a couple of months, God grew that. And all I did was drop a seed last fall that found it’s way to the dirt. I didn’t even plant it. I just let it go.

Here is the hard part. I am the farmer, I am the one who can plant, and till, fertilize, pull weeds and harvest. But I can only set something up to grow, I can’t actually make it grow. This is hard for us control-freak-Americans who are so good at everything and wait for nothing. There is absolutely a part of me that would reach down into that soil and try to force that tulip to bloom earlier just to make that little boy smile if I could. But you and I know, that would only just destroy it, and then it would never bloom.

The hardest part then, is that in order for something good to grow, I have to bury it in the dirt, and wait for God to do something about it. What does it mean to bury something, to give something completely to God and trust Him to turn an old bulb into a beautiful new flower? Its a delicate balancing act, how much is our responsibility as the farmer, what do we plant and when? When have we done all we can and when are we doing too much? It takes years of experience to find that balance. We know it will be rare that we might just pray for potatoes and they will grow without us ever putting a ho to the ground. We know He created us to work and till the soil along side him. So that desire to work, to help, to fix, it comes from a good and true place. But it’s the desire to be in control, in charge, the ONLY one, that it all depends on us, that has been twisted in us because of sin. We were made LIKE God but sin makes us think we can BE Gods, and wow is that going to leave us disappointed because we simply are not.

So I look to my experienced farmers and my experienced spiritual directors to help me. When should I plant, how deep, how much water, what type of soil, and how long should I wait for it to grow? We’ve all had situations where we wonder “how much of this do I entrust to God to work out, and what is my responsibility to do something about this, to be the hands and feet of Christ?” We know Jesus constantly told us of our great responsibility to serve each other and look out for our brother. And yet sometimes we will face something that is completely out of our control and feel very helpless. Or we will feel all that we are “doing” isn’t making anything grow. And I believe this is where that very important balance comes in. We pray and discern and do what we called and able to do, what God has given us resources and abilities for, and we give the rest to Him, and let God do what He is able.

And sometimes that means handing a situation to Him that we aren’t ready to give up control over. Sometimes it means giving up something that is very precious to us. Sometimes its people we care deeply about. Sometimes its our own children. Sometimes its one one thing in the world that makes us feel a sense of purpose. Sometimes its just something we just don’t want to wait for.

Putting something in the dirt, knowing it might take months, whole seasons, even lifetimes before anything will grow, is a great act of faith in the grower. But seriously, clinging on to it, fussing over it like you have been, has that caused it to grow yet? If you ask your elders, will they tell you another strategy? I know you want to do so much and I know it often comes from such a good place. But just because you CARE so much, doesn’t change the fact that you are still just the hired hand, and not the grower. You really thought you wanted it to grow more than He did?

I’m absolutely not advocating for a “sit back and do nothing” approach to the Christian life. America is full of people lazily “entrusting” things to God they just don’t WANT to do anything about. We absolutely have to do our part. But we do have to realize often our “part” is small in the grand scheme of what God is doing. And it usually needs a great level of surrender. The things we are worrying about, the things we are trying to fix and control and make new, the relationships that have gone all wrong, they all need us to do our little part to plant and water. Say you’re sorry, offer help, offer forgiveness, do what the Holy Spirit is asking you, and then leave it in the ground and let God work for awhile. You might not see the results right away. The best growth takes time. If you go digging it up because you’re too impatient to wait for it to grow, you’ll kill it. But if you can wait a long while, (it’s going to seem like a lifetime for my poor children who times moves so slowly for) this spring, how much fun is it going to be for them to see those tulips blooming? I’m quite sure our Good Father looks forward to our same joy, when we wait together to see the beauty He is growing from the hard things we’re entrusting to Him today.

Go ahead, do your part and lay it down. I know its hard to let go, but its also pretty great after all, that it doesn’t all depend on us. It’s actually quite freeing to know we just have to do a little bit of the work, and the rest is up to God. Its actually pretty amazing, that all I have to do is put it in the dirt and wait for spring. The wait isn’t so bad, when you trust the grower. The wait can even be fun, full of anticipation, when you have seen what He has grown in the past and can’t wait to see what He will grow when the time is right.