My two sweet girls just celebrated their first communion. It was a beautiful day of them giving their hearts to Jesus and receiving Him in return. I love celebrating these ladies but I’m always a little sad as we approach special events and days for them, because I know when they are on display, up in front or around a lot of people, they really aren’t themselves. I know the rest of the world never gets to see who they really are. Bella has down syndrome and she is so smart and responsive and talks non-stop at home, but when the world is bustling around her its so much to take in, she is often observing but being very quiet. She also knows that few people can understand her. She has so much to say, but she’s already learned to keep it to herself because few people will take the time to try to communicate with her. Jadence was neglected and abused as an infant, and one of the many affects of that is her self confidence. She has it built into her brain that she’s not good enough to be loved, and she’s spent the rest of her life un-learning that.

I realize sometimes my girls aren’t just the product of their disabilities or past trauma. They are also affected by my own failings, my own distorted idea of who I am. I haven’t been the perfect parent to them either, I have been harsh when they needed comfort. I’ve been too casual when they needed firm boundaries. I’ve tried to change what I don’t like about myself instead of just loving them where they are. Their extended family and friends don’t really know them, the real them. They have often shown the worst of themselves to the outside world, or been too afraid to share themselves at all and just withdraw when people are around. The world has been a hard place for them already in their short lives.

And yet, when its just me and them, they shine. They are so loving and caring and kind. They play so sweetly with their siblings and put others first. They are the first to say they’re sorry and the first to forgive. They wouldn’t need to. The world, all of us who have hurt them by our neglect or judgement or just being too busy to care, have dismissed them as not important enough for our time. Not worth as much as the next child over who is much more obedient, much smiley-er, easier to communicate with, easier to love. But they forgive us in an instant. Why?

Because they know who they are. I mean, they know WHOSE they are. When Jadence gets upset because someone has been mean to her and goes to her sad place, feels all that rejection, all those months of being unloved, of no coming when she cried, I ask her, “who are you?” and a little light will come behind her eyes. She won’t answer the first time usually, wanting to believe it but needing me to name it, “are you a princess?” and she will give a humble smile and nod. “Daughter of the king of the whole world?” and her shoulders will raise and she’ll sit a little taller. “Are you loved? By Him and by me?” By now, she is beaming, because she had forgotten who she was, but now she remembers and I can see the way it changes her. It changes everything when you know who you are. “So does it matter what they think?” “No” she will confidently say and hug me and go on her way. But she will need reminding. Over and over and over again. And we do too. We forget who we are, whose we are, who we belong to, where we are going, and what we are here for. If we remembered this all the time, we wouldn’t let all the little things trip us up. We wouldn’t care what those other people think, we wouldn’t be so bothered by that family that just doesn’t love us well, by those friends that don’t have time for us anymore, by the coworkers who make every day hard. We’d see it for what it is, the devil trying to distract us, so we don’t get where we’re going or do what we’re supposed to be doing. And most of time….. it’s loving those exact people that are tripping us up that we’ve been sent here for.

I haven’t had it easy either, and neither have you probably. The world is harsh. The family that’s supposed to love us fails, sometimes big, sometimes small, but it all hurts. The friends we trusted betray us. The community we need to support us looks for us to fail instead. When we’re carrying so much already we think we’ll fall, another situation comes along that places an even heavier burden on our backs. No one would blame us if we didn’t forgive, if we did give up, if we walked away from all those people who never really see us.

But I know who I am and I know WHOSE I am so it doesn’t really matter what those other people think. It only matters what HE thinks, and He asked me to love and forgive them. He asked me to SEE them. Isn’t that was Jesus did while He was on earth, go around noticing all the people that everyone else was passing by? Maybe, these people who can’t see me, I can’t really see either. Maybe I don’t really know who they really are and I’ve got to just take some time to try. Because if you don’t really know my daughters, you are missing out. I wish you could see them. I wish you could see their smiles that light up the room, the forgiveness that is as deep as the ocean.

I snapped this photo of the girls when went shopping for their first communion dresses. It was a total ball, watching them try on and glow, with no one watching but me, just completely being themselves. But I noticed I caught myself in the mirrors in this photo and I realized that I am also at my best when no one is watching. When I’m cheering on my kids from behind, because that’s the only thing I really need in the whole world is for them to shine with the love of Jesus. So, I wish you could see them, and I wish you could see me too, because you probably don’t really know me either. But I’m going to start by trying to see you first. Because I’m probably also missing out. The whole world is probably missing out because we can’t see you either. And the only way we’re ever going to, is to start looking. Past the first glance, past the communication barriers, past the first judgements, past the hurt, past all the wrong choices you’ve made, past all that you pretend to be because you don’t think the world could possibly love you or because you are so worried about what people are thinking you just can’t be yourself. I will keep trying to see. I will keep searching for the real you that the world so desperately needs to know. Because that’s the community I want to live in, that looks for the best in people, not one that labels them for their mistakes. Because that’s the world I want to live in, that brings out the best in people because they know they are loved and safe. And it has to start with us starting to really see the person we have overlooked or never understood. And pray they can someday see us too. Lord, help us really see each other.