In my last post, I talked about pushing through the hard struggles, taking on suffering for the sake of the gospel and I promised at the end I would share another post because it’s true that sometimes, even though our heart is willing, we have completely met our limit and we have nothing left to give. What do we do, when our spirit says yes but our body actually gives out? We often hear from people, “I don’t know how you do it” and I do absolutely get that the life we’ve chosen to live seems impossible sometimes. We have over many years learned many things that help us keep the pace we do, some of which I talked about in the last post. I should be sure to add, we find time to care for so many children and serve the church because we do not give a lot of time to watching tv, social media, and other entertainment. But most of all, we find our strength in the grace of God. The gift of Gods presence, the spirit, the power of God, living inside us, can do the work and will give us all we need to do what He has asked us to do.

BUT, if you are reading this, and read the other post and thinking “that all sounds nice, but it just isn’t the reality for this particular situation I am facing. I have given everything I have. I am completely poured out. I have asked for Gods grace and I still feel like I’m running on empty,” pull up a chair and let me tell you maybe one of the most important lessons I have ever learned.

A month ago, I was playing catch with Nathaniel, looked away at the other kids, and he threw the ball anyway. Have I ever mentioned how fast he pitches? Well, my face knows now. Turns out, he throws hard enough to break bones, as the bones above and below my mouth were broken, and I needed surgery to reset. It was such a silly, embarrassing accident. I had to go to the ER and call my friends to watch the kids because I wasn’t paying attention and didn’t catch a ball. I’ve had quite a few surgeries before, and this one wasn’t very disabling, so I thought I would be fine. But I realized quickly with the pace I keep now with 8 kids, I couldn’t keep up after the setback. I thought, “I should be able to do this,” but I couldn’t. And after the pain and effects of surgery wore off, I realized that the soft food diet I had for the next 2 months left me struggling to eat enough calories and therefore very tired.

Luckily, God saw my need before I did and had already set things in motion. One of my very sweet friends set up a meal sign up for our family and we had friends and community members cooking and delivering meals for our family for over a month. Family and friends and church members brought groceries and came to play with the kids and clean the house. I have never felt so loved by a community. It is humbling, and embarrassing, to need help. To invite people into my very messy home. To not be able to do it all myself.

And yet, it was just what I needed. I was feeling really alone on this foster care, adoption, spreading the gospel journey. I was thinking the rest of the world doesn’t see the needs I see. I was thinking no one else gets how important this is. And God said, let me show you how they do. Let me show you you are not alone. I wasn’t asking for the prayers I usually do, and then this happened and all of the sudden the whole community was praying for us. I wasn’t asking my friends and family for help. I was sure I had to do this hard job myself, and then this happened and suddenly my friends and family were showing up on my doorstep and shouldering my burdens.

I’ve learned this important lesson over and over and over again in my life. I am stubborn, and independent and so very prideful. I want to do the job myself, and stand back and look at my accomplishments and say “look at what I did all by myself!” And so, God continues to put me in situations where I simply CAN’T do it all by myself so I will learn to rely on Him and so I will learn to rely on my brothers and sisters.

We miss something of the gospel if we think the journey is all about relationship with Jesus. Because, at the end, at the glorious finish line, we will reach communion/embrace/becoming one with Jesus….AND with the other saints in heaven. We will all be one with each other. This is His design, His will, His desire for us. To be one with Him and with each other. And if we do this whole life and we only seek communion with God, we’d be missing a piece of the puzzle. Isn’t loving the child the best way to love the parent? If we love the parent must we also love their child? We cannot have one without the other. Sometimes, we think we can, so He shows us how important it is, that we love each other, that we need each other.

I’ve been blessed to have this lesson forced on me by a Father who loves me. But the lesson has been learned out of my humility. It’s true, I could have refused the help. I think it is often refused, because of pride, because of not wanting to burden others, because we think we should be able to do it ourselves.

I came across a video a few months ago of a racer who pushed her body past it’s limit and just couldn’t quite finish the race. She is helped by another racer, who helps her up and helps her across the finish line. This isn’t the full video I saw, but it’s a great short watch if you have time. I don’t know about you, but when I watched this video I cried. Watching her struggle to finish, watching her body collapse across the finish line, it felt so much like my life at the time, completely exhausted from all we have given over the years to foster care, poured out completely, unable to make it through one more court hearing, through one more series of aggressive behaviors or emotional meltdowns.

In the longer version of this video that I’ve been unable to re-find, the runner is lying there unable to move, and someone comes along to help, but she pushes them away at first. How often have we done this? How often has someone wanted to help us and we say “no we are fine.” We are laying there in complete agony, unable to continue and we wave people away, not wanting to need their help. We can do this ourselves, we say. But really, we can’t. We’re lying to ourselves. The devil is lying to us. We need each other. We need help. We won’t ever make it without.

And what if, we need help, but no one is offering? Well my first question is: are you willing to LOOK needy? The only reason this racer knew to offer help is because she saw her sister struggling. How often do we hide our struggles? We don’t want the world to see the messy parts of us, but in doing so, we keep ourselves from the help we need to clean up the mess. If someone’s telling us to keep something to ourselves, not to burden anyone else with our problems, that’s not the voice of truth. It is hard to let the world see the worst parts of us. It is embarrassing. And it is exactly what we need. It is the cure for the sin of pride. It is the only way we might come to understand the truth of who we are.

Because sin says “I can do it myself, I am able, independent, capable, so important, I don’t need anyone else but me.” But my creator says “I am created, I am dust, I am a small, unimportant creature, I need God in order to live, I need others in order to live well.” Because there is one thing that I can never ever do myself, and that is secure my eternal life. There is one thing, only Jesus can do for me. He ran a race I could not and unless I ask for His help and rely on him I will never make it to across the finish line. Unless I recognize that He is Able and I am not, I will die. But if I can recognize my humility, that I am small, unimportant, not able, nothing without Him, then I will reach up my hand for help and say “Lord save me” (Mt 14:22) and I will surely live. And not only live, I may just walk on water, relying on the power of God and not my own weak abilities. But I will never walk on water by myself.

It’s going to look like this video, I’m sure of it, when I cross that finish line. I won’t do it on my own. I will need the hand of someone else helping to carry me across and when I cross I will collapse in complete exhaustion having given everything I have to accomplish His work. But I will collapse into His arms, where He will wipe every tear, and heal every hurt, and make me new again.

But friend, I won’t make it without you. I can’t express to you enough the gratitude Dan and I have for the way you have supported and encouraged and helped us over the years and especially these last 2 months. From the countless meals delivered, people who didn’t just bring supper but breakfast and extra groceries and snacks, flowers sent, people who came to clean the house and play with the kids, cards and text messages of encouragement and love, and so many prayers. The doctor who held the baby all through the baseball game so I could wrangle the preschoolers trying to escape, the grocery store clerk who offers to unload my cart because my hands are full, the friend who listens to my problems and doesn’t mind the story is interrupted seventeen times by the children, the many many people who come alongside us in the mission every day who are not foster parents themselves but love foster children because they love us and keep us going. I haven’t had time to send thank yous individually but I hope if you helped us in any way you know how greatly it is appreciated and how very very loved we feel. And I hope we can do the same for you. If you’re feeling like you just can’t take another step, go ahead, put up a hand, and let someone help you for a while. Because you really can’t do it all by yourself and life really is more beautiful when walked together.