Deep down inside I am a clean-freak. You would never believe that now if you walked into my house or rode in my car or walked through my garden. When you live with 9 other people who are not clean freaks, at some point you have to let some things go, or cleaning is the only thing you’d do, right along with going insane. But, that doesn’t change the fact that being in clean space is where I am happiest and most comfortable and at peace. And that some days looking around at the constant mess and clutter and disorganization makes my skin crawl.

Clean house, clean car, clean garden, it’s all the same. I like to see the dirt in between the rows, even when that tiny little weed isn’t bothering my plants, I like the garden “clean” just as much as I like a clean house. I’ve known for a long time about myself that I actually really enjoy pulling weeds. So its always my go-to when I’m in the garden. And I think I have written before that I will often miss fruit and vegetables that are ready to pick because I am so focused on pulling weeds.

This year, I found myself again pulling away, keeping ahead of the weeds and keeping a nice clean garden and I did a really good job! Everything was growing in nice straight rows and looking really beautiful and clean. Except, it didn’t rain. A few little shots here and there. I watered a few times. But I weeded more. And one day I was in there pulling away at weeds that were hard to get out, I noticed just how dry and cracked the ground was. And then I noticed how curled and starving for water some of my plants were. And then I realized how small or nonexistant some of their fruit was because they were lacking water.

There I was again, pulling weeds, when I should have been watering. Weeds take away from the growth of a plant for sure. Too many weeds, and they steal the nutrients from the soil, or overshadow the sun. We do have to keep weeds out of the garden to some extent. But a plant with no water will die. And a plant without enough water, will not produce any fruit. It may survive and appear ok to the untrained eye, but it won’t produce what it was meant to without the water it needs.

How many relationships in my life are like this right now? I thought as I kept pulling on weeds that wouldn’t come out. How many times have I focused on pulling out my kids negative behaviors instead of pouring love into them so they can thrive? How often do I look first at the sin, or wonder why there is no fruit, but fail to see the soul that is cracked and dry from a lack of love? How often have I chipped and chipped away at my own sin and still not seen any fruit but forget to take a drink of water, to sit and soak up His love for me?

Beauty is always found in balance of course. We have to pull weeds now and then. If all we do is water without ever telling the truth, without weeding out our sin, we will only grow more weeds and not the good fruit we are hoping for. But if all we ever do is pull weeds, without watering, we’ll have the cleanest, emptiest garden we’ve ever had. And actually, as the garden gets dry and hard, we’ll find it harder and harder to weed. Weeds don’t pull out easily of hard soil.

So I stopped pulling weeds, even though there were a lot left to pull. I grabbed the sprinkler, and started soaking the ground with the water those plants needed so desperately. And then we were blessed with some really nice rains too. The fruit started to grow. The weeds came out easy in the soft soil. There are still some I’m sure I didn’t get. But the fruit is growing and being harvested, and that is what the goal of gardening is after all.

I do think our perfect Father would prefer a perfectly clean garden. He hates sin more than we do. But I know He would much rather have souls bearing fruit than a world full of people trying to look good, but souls so cracked and dry they have nothing to offer the world.

Have you watered yourself today? Have you sat in His presence and let Him love you? Let Him remind you who you are?

Have you poured some love on that difficult person you’ve been encountering? Is it possible behind all the weeds is just a soul that needs some water?